Tuesday, 10 January 2017

My grey issue with alcohol

I've never been a "good" drinker. I have improved with age, only that I try to pay attention to how I'm feeling before, tiredness and drink don't mix for me, and I almost never ever have a drink the night before I'm working a 12 hour shift, after I once overslept and almost made not just myself but two other people late for work. My issue is when I don't pay attention, when other people around me are drinking beer for an extended period, such as a rugby match (I will be referring to the weekend past on and off here) where by its alright to keep drinking.

My father owned a pub, so he thinks hes an alcohol knowledge master, and has told me at least 7 times I need to cut down my drinking. Its so actively patronising and condescending, and just generally unhelpful to any kind of situation I may be in or near or whatever, being told "It runs in the family" or that I should only have a couple of long necks, almost drives me to more drink. It doesn't help I'm the only child of his that drinks. His constant bickering at me has led me to looking stuff up online and I've read an article written by an alcoholic, that I can't find this video from Lucy Moon and this article from The Pool, and I am not at a stage where I feel no alcohol is the only option for me. I know I can go out and have two, and that I should eat. Last weekend ended up calling a person I don't know a prick and waking up still wearing my shoes and not sure how I got home, all in Paris mind you, is not something that will happen again. The fear of not knowing and having said fear all day Sunday and Monday will be enough. I know I am improving with age, but I am not at a place where I'm good all the time. Things like these aren't black and white, fortunately or not. If I do decide to give up alcohol  though, which is not in my immediate future, it will not be because of persistent, albeit well intentioned bullying from my father or anyone else.